2004-03-25
Why can't I subvert this binary?
Surprisingly, I'm not as stressed as I feel I should be. Lately, I've spent far too much time worrying about everything. I'm swamped with school work, but most of the time, I worry about next year.
Every time I run into an old friend on campus the first question is: "Any big plans for next year?" Of course, I tell them that I'm going to law school. The words come out differently each time underscoring my ever-changing feelings about my decision. The reactions are just as varied: from the more conservative types I get the whole congratulatory song and dance mixed with a hint of envy. The granola-munching lefties spout encouraging words, with knowing smiles and the slightest sign of pity in their eyes.
More than anything, those reactions are amusing and push me to further reflect upon the whole law school question.
Don't get me wrong--I'm happy about going to law school in September. I'm thrilled about first-round acceptance and all that jazz...
I'm not comfortable with leaving him in Montreal and having to do that whole long-distance thing. My parents have probably convinced themselves that Dave and I live together for convenience's sake, but truth be told, we are LIVING TOGETHER. I may not have that ring on my finger, but it is not because we're not seriously committed to each other. As far as we're concerned, barring no unforseen freak accidents, we're in this for the long haul. We'd prefer not to jump on the whole marriage bandwagon right now because we're not ready...YET.
So, moving back to Toronto and worst still, moving back into my parents' home is not going to be easy. They may not yet feel like empty nesters (how could they with a financially dependent child and another still living with them), but I'm ready to break free. (God, these overused metaphors make me want to tear my frickin hair out. Gag me with a wooden spoon, please. :P)
I can't say that I've fully "moved out" considering I still have my childhood bedroom complete with the requisite mid-90s posters and magazine tear-outs adorned with my dark and mysterious idols. I have, however, begun to move on. I don't feel like my two lives are really diametrically opposed. Let's subvert yet another oppressive binary, friends! I have started a new life with Dave and I still embrace the remnants of my Toronto-life; but I can't deny that we can't live together under one happy roof.
...bah...I can't think about this anymore. I'll get back to this shortly.
hazel at 2:19 p.m.
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