March 13, 2005

The Blight, the Bloat.

Ride it, baby.
So many connotations. Eep.

I'm trying to manoeuvre my way through without hurting myself. It's not easy.

(Holy bad grammar Batman!)

Despite (or perhaps because of) the previously mentioned weight gain, I've found my self eating until I am too full. Not binge eating my way into oblivion like I have done before, but just beyond my perfect equilibrium. Once the balance is tipped, I start to go nuts. That is not a very delicate way of putting it, but there you have it. I have to work hard not to want to shove my fingers down my throat.

The observant ones will notice that there are a few psychological steps before the fingers actually make it into anywhere near the throat (aside from to shove food IN.)

Don�t worry. I�m trucking along PAST the bulimia route. I�m not willing to go down that road. I�ve never been keen on that method for obvious reasons. It does haunt me though. As stupid as it sounds, it just seems like it might be easier.

Sometimes you want to feel numb.

Most of the time, I want to FEEL. I don�t need to work very hard on that, though. I�ve perfected the art of feeling. *grin*

I can barely type coherent sentences today and I�ve got to whip up a legal factum for a pretend client. I learned how to �play pretend� in kindergarten and it�s still useful in law school. Rock!

Today has been draining. It�s been a bit too much excitement for someone who broke out in shingles because she was too damn busy for her own good. GAH.

It hasn�t been all bad, though. Today (and the whole weekend!) was particularly uplifting since I had a really great time with Dave despite having my parents all up in my grill. Dave and I got to share our insanely deep love for each other over yummy food, a deeply moving documentary---GO SEE �BORN INTO BROTHELS�, work on our matching laptops, soothing warm beverages, great conversation and much much more. I heart him to pieces. Ack. I will cry if I don�t stop writing about his overall dreaminess. He came this weekend to be with me while I did my shitty homework and whined about my shingles! He came to take care of me on my sickbed! Errr�actually, in his bed (aka sketchy old bed in our basement) that we share when he visits.

Today also got me overly excited since Julia and I have decided to spend a week in Paris in April. PARIS! Oh la la la�j�ai h�te! Did I mention that I am probably going to Paris with Julia? PARIS! Okay, I�m done now.

Today also brought more of that UNRELENTING pain and itch. Oh the itch! It burns!!!!
My brother and I also had another intense conversation that made me less hostile towards him. (Hi Andrew!) It was good. It was a tad long, but we are both thoughtful and wordy, so that is to be expected.

So, back to factum writing. Sigh. Screw perfectionism, I need to be efficient. I need to do 8,000,000 other things tonight before I sleep at a reasonable hour. Hurray for sleep. Sleep is one of my most favourite (non)activities. This weekend I got to do my favourite thing�sleep with my boy! (Read into it what you will, you deviants. I care not what you think. God, I�m immature sometimes. But it is fun! Wheee!)

Have a happy and shingle-free day.
ETA: I fucking HATE living in this place. People here know exactly how to get under my skin and make it crawl better than the shingles. The hormones add to the hostility, but as I've said before and I'll say again: I CANNOT WAIT TO GET OUT. I'll see you on the other side, mon amour. Je m'ennuie deja.

hazel at 16:14

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