1999-11-08

diaryland debut! ^_^

Well, welcome to my diaryland page. My brother's musings at eternity7.diaryland.com inspired me to get typing away and share my thoughts with the world. Now that's incredible. The internet is no longer the spawn of satan! I can now vent to the a veritable international audience! Whining with a vengeance. hehe. cool.

I don't really know who has access to these pages...and anonymity isn't really the key issue (Get with it people, if you have a homepage or you decide to post anything up on the internet...don't expect privacy. You weren't seeking anonymity. You wanted to be heard.) So, I guess I should provide a little background information.

I'm Adrienne, but virtually (no pun intended) everyone I've encountered via the internet refers to me as, "Hazel"; hence hazel.diaryland.com Um, I'm a 17 year student at the University of Toronto Schools (UTS) and have an innumerable amount of art-related hobbies including painting and singing. Ok, enough of that. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me... [email protected]!

So...10:00 p.m. and I feel as though I haven't accomplished anything. Well, I opened a diaryland account and dawdled through some French homework. whoop-dee-doo. So much for my academic dedication. I am supposed to be working on some Spanish assignment or studying for French; but I've chosen to share my intimate thoughts with YOU! Feel special! :)

I suppose this means that I should actually share something with you. Ok, here I go! ----->

I spent much of yesterday evening procrastinating (yup, my brother and I sure did come out of the same gene pool!) and decided to go on to ICQ and see who was out there. Usually, I connect as "invisible" or "N/A"; however, yesterday was an "online" kind of day... and I lucked out, because I was welcomed by a bunch of "UH-OHs" and had all these ppl greet me! Funny thing, how I often think of ICQ as a waste of time...and then I realised that it is wonderful. It helps me communicate with intimate friends and acquaintances. I hadn't forgotten about all those people on my contact list...I just neglected to message them and take time out of my day to say, "hello." Thank God for yesterday and my friends. =^_^=

My friend Steve was online. We hadn't spoken for a while and we just started to chat over ICQ. At any rate, he typed about all the happenings in his life and I was struck by how genuine he is. I mean, we rarely see each other. Ok, we've only really met once. But, we have been talking andf chatting for 2 years! We've gone through periods where we don't pick up the phone or don't bother to message each other...but I still cherish every word he says or types to me! Sounds cheesy and stupid, but true. As he told me of the trials and tribulations that faced him, I felt silly for grieving over my last Calculus test and whining about hw. Then I was overcome with regret. Well, maybe not regret...but I just felt awful about neglecting to maintain and nourish friendships. Steve is incredibly understanding and I try to reciprocate that...so, even when we are down in the doldrums and swamped with responsibilities, we never forget one another. Once again...I'm lucky with him and know it. (thanks, steve! *hug*)

BUT, I am so disappointed in myself for all the people and friendships that I have degraded. I let special people slip away because I was, "too busy" or just too damn lazy or stupid to pick up the phone just to say, "hi." I bump into acquaintances in the mall and make conventional small talk with a big smile on my face. The reality is, I wish I never remained mere acquaintances with them and actually took the time to develop a friendship. I miss all those "friends"...I wish I still had the right to call them that...and I wish that I could start again...but I guess you learn from your mistakes, right? I watched two special girls become best friends, while I ran off doing hw or something else....I stopped participating in our little notebook writing rituals (a pre-diaryland wonder! we wrote entries into books and exchanged them) and then I was just a "friend"...IN QUOTATION MARKS. I hate myself for having let them slip away...and I miss them so much....but the reality is....I don't know what I miss...because I hardly know them. That, my friends...is the saddest part of it all.

Ever had a friend who probably didn't acknowledge you as a friend anymore...simply because you had lost touch? An occasional ICQ hello doesn't suffice in friendship maintenance. I used to talk to this guy every single day. I would phone him from school during his spares, call him the second I walked into my house and we would share laughter and our daily experiences. Everything he did made me giggle...we would even SING together OVER THE PHONE! I could dial his number with my eyes closed...he was my "faye gor". I rambled about him to my friends at school and I would complain about everything to him...that was two years ago...now we barely talk. This is what I'm talking about. So the moral of this lengthy ramble is: don't let friendships slip away. Treasure every moment with those around you and nourish the relationships you have with "acquaintances".

That's all folks.

Take care....and to those I mentioned...sorry...I didn't mean to put you on the spot...I just wished that I never pushed you away.

hazel at 21:37:53

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