2004-10-16

December doldrums just a little too early

Posted yesterday at Xanga:

Seasonal doldrums are creeping up on me. I'm going to fight hard this year to beat 'em, though. Ganbaru!

I'm actually not feeling too bad considering how I'm insanely behind in school. Got to buckle down and actually study! Laziness doesn't pay off, kids.

I know that first year is supposed to be the worst, but it's really hard to stay focused when you are being forced to take classes that do not remotely interest you. I keep thinking about how I could have gone to grad school instead. I didn't think that I would miss real academic study, but holy hell I do! I thought that escaping the ivory tower would be best for me since I'm the world's greatest procrastinator and never managed to do all my readings throughout my undergraduate career, but I still loved what I was studying. Now...there's a whole sea of tedium to swim through and I'm sinking fast because I'm too fucking lazy to even flail! Maybe it's not laziness, but apathy...I don't know. I just miss real, heavy political discussions that get me all fired up. I know why I came to law school, but my courses aren't giving that to me...yet...

I'm probably all pissy because I've done about 10% of the work for Torts and I have the midterm on Monday. I've always gotten my shit together in time, so this time won't be different. Here's to me getting my shit together for all my other courses too!

What's more I've been missing mon petit prince like crazy. Heh. "Mon petit prince." I say that because this past weekend at his sister's wedding, the cutest little girl, Lilimay, asked me, "C'est qui? Ton mari?" while pointing at Dave, to which I replied, "Non, il est mon chum." And then she asked in her supercute 3 year old voice, "Il est un prince?" And of course, I said, "Oui! Il est un prince!" That's right, he looked like a prince in his mighty fine black velvet suit. Yum. We were gypsy chic royalty. Hee.

Anyway, it's only been a few days since I left Montreal, but it was my first visit back since leaving...and DAMN was it hard to come back. I want my life back! We both know that we'll get it back soon enough and that 3 years will fly by...but for now, it's painful. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's in grad school. We won't even have our Montreal home to turn to! Let's hope that it's MIT or CMU and not UCLA or SFU. I'm not good with this whole long-distance thing. Heaven help me.

Off to the gym. Can you believe that I haven't been to the gym in a week! My eating has gone off the edge too. It's always relatively controlled, but nowhere near the standards it should be. No wonder I'm not all sunshine. Better hurry...I want a full 2-hour workout. None of that sissy stuff.

hazel at 12:06 a.m.

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