November 08, 2004

Gods of Glycemic Load be Damned!

Eating clean isn't easy. Aside from my inability to give up white rice (please give me a break gods of the glycemic index, I am Chinese!), I'm also having run-ins with caffeine, refined flour and sugar. Everything in moderation shall be my salvation, but I've really got to moderate a bit better. I'm just not prepared to really cut it ALL out right now and experience the headaches, cravings etc. before the calm of stable blood sugar levels. Sigh. Patience, grasshopper. And a steely resolve.

Enough of that food stuff. Damn food. Always on my mind. It doesn't bother me so much to be thinking about eating it; but I'm not so down with the guilt that creeps up on me after consumption of anything "bad" or worst yet, "forbidden." If I think of anything as forbidden, I'm bound to want it more. I'll end up going after it (or something equally devoid of nutrition) and then feeling guilty. And so the cycle begins. As long as I don't feel pushed to purge, I'm going to be okay. I refuse to be unwell in that way. I know that I'm okay.

SIGH. It's a bit hard dealing with all this stuff right now since I'm under extreme academic pressure and away from my strongest supporter. I'm not planning on putting my head into the sand and ignoring it all, but I'm not really prepared to really face everything HEAD ON in the way the good doctor forced me to last year. It's November. Fucking November, already. And if those diagnoses (official or not) of S.A.D. are true, I've got a mighty big fight for me this year. Remarkably, I feel much stronger than ever before. I've even been called "such a happy person" by a friend from school and believed it. I've got plenty to be happy about. I've just got to work on extending that joy to things I feel less optimistic about. No more self-sabotage here, folks. Nothing to see here. Nope, nothing to see here.

This is turning into quite a long post, but it's what I need right now so bored readers be damned! Not literally of course! I'm not keen on damning anyone.

Today has been exhausting. I haven't really DONE much of anything, but I didn't get enough sleep because of a logistical mess-up this morning at Hazel's house. I'm a baby. 6 hours just won't do. 8 hours of solid sleep, you will be mine! Mwahahahahah!

I changed about 15 times this morning. You know what that means: body image issues! Cha-ching! It was certainly annoying to have to fight with the mirror, but instead of getting all angry, weepy or whiny, I just sort of gave up and threw something on. Nothing seems to be fitting in a flattering way anymore. Sleeves are too loose, waistbands too tight, bras too baggy. BAH HUMBUG to it all.

In the mundane minutiae department, I'm sitting in the library trying to get my thoughts in order before the most useless class the world has to offer. Oooh! And Gucci girl just passed by. As usual, she looks like Jessica Simpson, but more old money. Right, back to the boring shit. I'm sticking around for the aforementioned class from boringland because there's a 5% chance that some of the material covered today will have some relevance to the assignment we have to submit in a few weeks. Also, I've been here all day for Contracts (I'm not whether I should cheer or jeer) and for an ultra-long Faculty Council meeting in which many eccentric academics and opinionated students quibbled over all sorts of matters that would be of little interest to you. Lovely, eh? There was enough talk about the new joint Osgoode/NYU LL.B/J.D. program that is slowly coming into fruition to keep me going through the rest of the meeting. Oooh! And for the first time (bearing in mind that this is only my second Faculty Council meeting), I asked a question. Woot woot! Okay, so that's not much of an achievement for a so-called student leader, but it's a bit intimidating as a lowly first-year student in a room full of law professors to ask even the smallest question. So go me!

And with that, I leave you for class. Have yourselves a bright sunshiney day (even if you're in dreary Toronto.) Kiss kiss!

hazel at 14:56

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