February 23, 2005

I don't think you're ready for this jelly

Once again, I'm daydreaming about a real overhaul of this sorry excuse for web presence. Hrm, now that sounds like I care about my online presence. Ha. Would you like to see a Powerpoint presentation outlining the Hazel Inc. business plan?

Once I get my act together, I'm going to weasel my boyfriend into designing a site for me. And I'll pay him to boot! :) That's true love talking.

Ha! You thought that I'd start this paragraph with "once", but I fooled you!

Yeah, I know. I'm not very funny. At least, not right now.

Apparently, I'm not really into proper grammar either. I don't imagine that there are too many readers out there who would mind a little bending of the rules for the sake of keeping the cadence of the words that make it to publication (to keep with the web presence thing) true to what goes on inside my big ol' head.

Besides, even the most meticulously phrased diaries in the league of Mimi Smartypants and Dooce are flexible enough to make old school grammarians cringe. So there. :P

I haven't had a chance to really catch up on my studies like I had planned. What happened? Montreal happened. Oh, and stupid civil procedure reflective journals.

Thankfully, I have been thoroughly enjoying the wonders of Montreal; and shoockingly, I actually enjoyed writing my reflective journals. I'm both twisted and dorky. What can I say?

Even without the presence of my gay-boyfriend-substitute, my social calendar has been too full. That also means that my belly has been too full. Ugh. I'm dreading this week's weigh-in.

Speaking of weight, just a few days away from the heavy iron has left me...well...wanting. I can really say that I am a gym rat. I've squeezed in some light lifting here (Crunch CardioSculpt, anyone?), but it's really not the same as hitting the gym and chatting up the other regulars. I'm going to get some of that, "Where were you last week?" from the other rats. How oddly satisfying. Too bad I only have fat-coated muscles to show for it. Bah! Fat removal doesn't come easy when you've got the family curse, but I digress.

This is turning into one of those mega-entries. I know that I don't have a Mimi Smartypants (second reference in one posting!) readership who is willing to plow through such long entries, but I'm in the mood for this, DAMN IT!

So you want to hear about the land of the ubercool? Specifically, what I've been doing among those ubercool people? Well, I haven't actually been hanging out in the ubercool spots since I'm lacking in the usual: TIME!

I did, however, manage to go to Tonic for the first time (!) to get an Aveda scalp massage; wash, cut and style; and a complimentary 10-minute chair massage. Ah, to be surrounded by really beautiful people, helping you feel more beautiful. What could be more fun? Well, plenty of other things, but it was fun nonetheless. Julia and I walked out of the salon/spa feeling pretty fly. And then we waltzed into that post-clubbing staple, Madona the not-really-99-cents pizza parlour (+ tabagie) to use the payphone to call Dave. How unglamourous of us. But how very authentic Montreal. You may be all luminous, confident and sweetly-scented after treating yourself to several 'traitments' at a St-Laurent wondersalon staffed by people so hot they could be androids... but then you notice that you've sportin' salt-stains on your seasons-old Italian shoes and jeans (that you bought for 50% off on Boxing Day a few years ago at poseur staples, Browns and Aritzia, respectively) and you need to use a payphone to call your French honey because you're too cheap to dial long-distance on the cellphone that is paid for by your father. Mais ca ne te derange pas. Pas pantoute! Parce-que c'est pas important! Mais c'est drole quand-meme!

C'est vrai, non? C'est drole quand-meme?

En tout cas, c'etait super le fun.

Jules, Dave and I ate at Arirang again. As much as I would've liked to have stuffed my face and belly with a sinful brunch covered in chocolate sauce, the spicy rice and fish cakes w/ udon noodles were satisfying (if a bit too hot.) The company, of course, was divine.

It was awesome to just BE with Julia. Roaming around doing 'regular' things with her was fantastic. I think that we both really miss our lives here.

I'm getting bored of this, so you must be too. Anyway, the day was capped off with several book purchases including a very cheap copy of 'The Great Gatsby'! Dave's taken to reading fiction in English now too and since he's been devouring books at an incomprehensible rate (and I'm happy to help feed his voracious appetite for great literary escapes), the visa was whipped out for some worthy impulse buys. I got a few SMART chick-lit books too, including one that should have been written by ME!

God, I can't get over the first few pages. How could someone beat me to writing a (published) book that includes lines like, "Something was defintely wrong with people whose politics blinded them to the benefits of emollient face creans and attractive footwear, she thought." HA!

You'll be hearing more about this book. What about this about them yellow fever types aptly labelled "Hoarders" (short for "Hoarders of All Things Asian)"? "These shy, Caucusain beta-males, with dirty blond hair and sallow complexions, moseyed through the world, blending effortlessly into the general population."

ARGH. Why must people beat me to the punch? I spent years of my academic career quoting Said in multi-disciplinary papers for like-minded professors who pushed me to try to get my work published in obscure academic journals; but having had these thoughts mirrored back at me care of the musings of my circle of friends and now this kind of novel, I realize that it's not worth it! I have no original thought! *whimper!* Just kidding. I never got published because I never cleaned up my work and submitted it. BECAUSE I AM A LAZY ASS PROCRASTINATOR.

Right...okay, I'm actually almost done now. Anyone still with me? I leave you with other fallen dreams.

Crushed hopes/expired ambitions part 367:
K's e-mail to a few friends--
Subject: Kelly Clarkson
Her most recent top 40 hit sounds eerily like 1979 by the Smashing
Pumpkins, which makes me wonder if Billy Corgan has been working as one of
her producers.

Hazel's reply:
No Billy Corgan working on Kelly Clarkson's album, but none other than
Canadian mainstream rock couple: Raine Maida and Chantal Kreviazuk
(who have been co-writing and producing up a top 40 storm. e.g. Gwen
Stefani's 'Rich Girl' + a whole bunch of Avril Lavigne songs). Other
producers include Ben Moody, David Hodges, John Shanks and Max Martin.

I think that Kiara is talking about the unfortunately named "Since U
Been Gone" (I guess her demographic is the adolescent text
messaging/IM-ing crowd; but why not "U've" at the very least. Who am I
kidding? Where are the other letters?!)

Anyway "Since U Been Gone" was written and produced by Max
Martin/Lukasz Gottwald
Max Martin is the Swedish pop music writer/producer who is responsible
for those infectious (in all senses of the word) 1990s pop songs that
even you non-pop listeners probably know. The biggest Britney,
Backstreet Boys hits have all been touched by him.

I know that some of you don't care; but I have to unload this kind of
crap from my brain sometimes. Since I gave up the idea of being a pop
culture writer for Jane magazine for law school and Kiara wondered,
you'll have to deal with my useless knowledge.

Now check Graham's reply:
Thanks Adrienne :) I have 2 say, your overwhelming knowledge of pop
producers is just gr8! It almost lends that whole generation of illiterate
morons an air of credibility. And it's only a matter of time before Billy
Corgan starts writing for Kelly Clarkson and starts guest judging on
American Idol. He already does it for Courtney "I'll be dead soon" Love.
----------------------------------------
Uh-huh, that's right. I may never end up being a faboo columnist or magazine editor, but booyah! I've got some hilarious friends who get it.

Life is good.

1378 words. Now that's just dirty. I don't think that *I'm* ready for this jelly. Dang.

hazel at 21:57

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